Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
