i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
