Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
