Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
