I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
