is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
