Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
