i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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