I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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