oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
