So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
