she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
