i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
