i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
