If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
