Can Purell be used as lube?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
