So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
