I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
