I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
