I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His hands were made for my vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
