brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
