I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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