I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
