im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
