My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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