Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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