his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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