When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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