my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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