I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
