I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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