I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Randomize
