i think my tv is drunk
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
