Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
