I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
