Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
