i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
