I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
PANTIES FOUND
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
