The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
