I think i sorta joined a cult last night
People in love make me want to vomit
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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