He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
