There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
