Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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