please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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