Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Where is the hickey?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
