Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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