i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
