I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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