Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
