did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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