Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
